There is a silenced importance of being able to talk about your hardships & not keep it all built up within your spirit. It’s easy to feel we can’t find anyone to relate to our emotional/mental backgrounds because when we stem from such abstract circumstances, it appears to be infeasible to connect with others, assuming they don’t have traumas of their own like ours. Typically, this insecurity branches from negative emotions tied to our experiences; such as embarrassment, shame or guilt (as well as correlated feelings). Secondly, there may as well had been situations where we had attempted to asses & share our experiences in a conversation where we felt comfortable or felt it was appropriate. As a result we felt that we were shut down or came to fear we had over shared. It is important to understand that you are not alone in this feeling & that you are not the only person in the world who has felt this way. In conclusion, it is valid to recognize that you don’t have to hide the parts of you that have seen some shit, you have to learn how to manage the timing of when it’s right to share them.
What Do You Mean By Identifying the Appropriate Timing?
Essentially, you don’t want to be an open book in which within the first set of pages you speak you over share your story. Usually, this is where the regret sets in. “Why did I share that about myself so soon”, “I hope they don’t think I’m fucked up because I endured this. Watch them not talk to me again”. I personally struggle with this issue. With a diagnosis of bipolar 1 disorder, pressured speech frequently gets the best of me from time to time & as a result I end up sharing stories or information I normally wouldn’t share with someone, or wouldn’t share on the timeline that I just had (retrospect). It’s been a lesson in progress (LIP), but I have found that it is necessary to take a few moments to think before I speak. Easily it is comfortable to share what you have to say when it suits the subject matter in a conversation as it gives you something to deposit into said conversation. From my personal experiences, oversharing at times that are either inappropriate or regretful arise when I am wanting to comfort the other person or seem relatable. Although the ability to console & formulate a foundation of understanding is a genuine gift within itself, occasionally we unintentionally throw ourselves under the bus. Thus, resulting in fear in sharing our experiences with others in future conversations. It only takes a handful of times or so for this fear of sharing the “not favorable” chapters of our lives to develop, which ends with a newfound fear of opening up & now we are building physiological/emotional walls to protect ourselves.
When Do You Usually Feel it’s the Right Timing? What if I am the One to Share First?
I have regretfully over shared hundreds of times in the last year, all though I’ve certainly improved, I’m human & still slip from time to time. Through mistakes I have discovered that the best time to conclude if you truly want to share this facet about yourself revolves around these factors/questions: • Make sure you are okay with this person knowing this about you. Have you known them long enough? • Are you okay with them knowing this about you if they really aren’t that important to you? • Do you only feel you want to share this because you are emotionally driven to? •Is alcohol or any other drug influencing you to share this about yourself & will you regret it after?
I could continue to list more, as previously stated you want to make sure you take the time to think before you share. I want you to take a step back & even if you are in the heat of the moment & just know you want to share this intense part of your story, think about the outcome of how you will feel after you share & after you leave & are back home. Oversharing traumas & opening up to someone you trust are 2 separate scenarios with separate results.
How Can I Feel More Comfortable Discussing my Traumas?
One way is that you let the other person talk about themselves A individual will share with you what they are comfortable with. If who you are talking to is sharing experiences they have embraced in the abyss portion of their lives with you, you have found someone who has gone through similar situations as you. If you are comfortable, share a lite version of yours if you feel the need to console & support them & say “hey, I’ve gone through something like this too, you’re not alone”. Keep in mind, just because they share their entire story, doesn’t mean you have to as well! If you feel you must share your situation, do so in increments & see how you feel after sharing a less intense detail first before sharing more. Also, you can simply reply with stating you’ve gone through similar situations as them & leave it at that. Sometimes just hearing someone else’s story is all you need to recognize you aren’t alone in what you’re feeling.
Secondly, read on how the person you are considering sharing these situations with makes you feel. Do you really feel they would be a good listening ear? What are you hoping to receive by sharing this with them? Are you hoping they give you a in-depth response or would you rather them be a listening ear? Are you prepared to accept you may not get the reaction you want? The last one is why I suggest talking about a lighter portion of the event or see how they respond to something more mild. Try your best not to open up to people you had just met, only because you aren’t sure how much of a staple they will be in your life & you don’t know their intentions of what they would do with knowing this information. Remind yourself that we are all human & just like how everybody is somebody’s everything, somebody’s gone through something too in one way or another. Last but not least, if you feel what you have endured is truly too much to share with others, I would save that one for those you already have established closeness too who have already been around for a long time.
Happy Healing & Good Morning🌈
Appealing Healing 